I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
