I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So many bounce houses so little time
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize