If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
