I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
