You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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