Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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