remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my poor anus
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
