Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
