you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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