Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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