for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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