I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The uberlube is also flammable
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
