Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
