Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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