A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize