so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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