Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
