she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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