grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
