Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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