I seem to have left my pride at pride
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
