shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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