Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize