Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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