Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
