I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
oh god the rape fog is back!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize