his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
