She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
