I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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