The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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