He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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