I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
