i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
