Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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