haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
