he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
