They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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