I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
