ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
