i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
