This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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