Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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