We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
