put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
