my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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