come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
