You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
