so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
