yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
