That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
