Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so let's talk penis.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
