Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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