Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize