dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
