As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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