new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
