Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
