i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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