Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
