New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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