Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
