***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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