He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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