Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
