I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
