if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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