my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
