Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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