Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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