I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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