I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
from now on my penis is your penis
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
