I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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