Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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