It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
