laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
