it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
