Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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