jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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