His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
