I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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