he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
