For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
