i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
