Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
