Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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