i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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