he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
