my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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