Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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