thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
