Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Everyone says I win the strip club
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
