Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
