where am i from again
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
