Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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