I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
