The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
