I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We have started to decorate penises.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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