I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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