After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
