How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
