I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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